i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
