he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
