last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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