ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
