if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
