I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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