People in love make me want to vomit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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