good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
