the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
