we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
