This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
