bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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