my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
3pm strippers are depressing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
