He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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