she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
