Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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