It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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