I CAN MOONWALK!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
