U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
