just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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