The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
