take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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