Your mouth is God's brothel.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
