I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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