Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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