Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
