I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
