All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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