Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
