So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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