i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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