last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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