I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
