I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
