Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
