why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
