You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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