If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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