can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
