No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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