Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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