Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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