My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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