Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
