If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
