he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
