I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
soo... how was my night?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
