if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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