Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
