then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do herpes really smell.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
