"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
