There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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