Porn is love you can see.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
