I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
