you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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