When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
