considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
