So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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