how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
