apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
