its not stalking. its research.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i dont even know how to be here
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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