these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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