I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
