Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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