He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
