Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
