I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
