Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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