Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
zippers are such a cool invention
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
