i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
