My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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