just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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