Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
